Campaign, Canvassing and Constant Companion

My #1 Campaign Cheerleader!

Making the decision to run for local government was not an easy one, however, I was determined to represent not only my son, but be an advocate for all families and individuals who do not have a voice.  As a parent, and especially as a mom who has a son on the Autism Spectrum,  I felt guilt about not being around due to campaigning,  and taking time away from my family.  The desire to run is certainly not about the money either, thanks TVO and #PoliticsNow for reporting the realities of compensation and female candidates:  https://tvo.org/article/current-affairs/why-northern-ontario-politics-has-a-gender-parity-problem

The irony of my worry and anxiety of not being present enough for Aidan, has created the opposite outcome of my fears.  It has connected us, it has given us a common goal and it has given us more time together.  He loves the door-knocking, and proudly introduces himself with hand extended, "I am Aidan, Lisa's son."  WOW! 

The concern for Aidan's future is always on my mind, however, I think this experience is grooming him for a political career.  He has already had a lot of practice.

Be bold with your aspirations my fellow Autism moms - you never know what positivity you will bring.

I Can't Believe I Did It!

This morning over cheerios and my first cup of coffee,  my buddy and I were talking about the countdown this week to the end of Middle School and onto High School this coming August. We moved Aidan midway through grade 6 from his comfortable elementary school in Canada and he took on the challenge of lockers, busy hallways, multiple classrooms,  and a new country in January of 2015.  As parents we knew it would either go very well or very badly - no middle ground.

He has four days left - two of finals and two of fun (that we determined in our sleepy conversation) and he turned away from his bowl and looked at me and said, "I can't believe I did it." 

We can believe it - this is for all the friends, family, teachers and mentors who helped Aidan get there! Success happens when you have nurturing, support and understanding. 

I can ride a bike!

Conquering a mountain trail 

First Day Grade 7 (August 2015)

The "Cool" Kid

Last night as I was driving kids (my full time occupation), the conversation from the back-seat drivers focused on their upcoming year at school.  My youngest son and his bf will be entering grade 8 - the ultimate top of the food chain.  Their combined responses were that while they will enjoy the "elite" status next year, it will be immediately deflated to less than zero when they enter grade 9 (or to translate, Freshmen).  The probability of getting a "wedgey" and the ever popular "hit a Freshman day" was discussed with combined fear and amusement.

My advice to the pair was not to wear "tighty whities" a definite bad choice for the possibility of having your gitch up in your ass-crack, and that they should "hang" more with the bigger brother entering grade 9 this coming year,  (who is Mr. Popular and Autistic).  The response was a resounding yes!

Peers at their current school ask my youngest, Owen, if he is Aidan Allen's brother (my middle son on the Spectrum) - his brother is an asset, not a liability.  Owen's bf (still in the back seat) chimed in that everyone loves Aidan and my plan that they stay close to Aidan in high school was a "boss" plan.

The shift is happening in our society and our upcoming leaders, movers and shakers are not the discriminatory assholes as in my (somewhat) recent high school past.  They pause to understand, to support, to advocate - so different from my experiences.  I am not naive, and know that this situation is not universal.  But there is hope that collectively as humans we will be as welcoming and accepting as the two kids in my back seat.

Owen and his "cool" brother 

Harper, Scout and Aidan

To Kill a Mockingbird still gives me shivers after the nearly forty years since I cracked open its pages and discovered a society that I didn't know existed in my sheltered Northern Ontario town in the late 1970's.  Now my almost fourteen year old son is on that same journey and mesmerized by the scenes that Harper Lee created - full of lush characters, social injustice and the primary message, I think there's just one kind of folks. Folks.

Discrimination, racial segregation, white supremacy were all concepts that Aidan had great difficulty understanding.  While Autism comes with its issues, and identifying and recognizing social nuances is a prime example - my theory about his disbelief of this story is not due to his Autism, it is that he is a great human being who does not judge or differentiate.  I credit much of this to our home and how we have raised him.   Upon first glance from outsiders, we have some white privilege happening - nice house, European vehicles, vacations - but our family and our home is open.  Open in thought, open in opinions, open to lifestyle, open to culture - just open!

Scout and Atticus and Boo opened Aidan's mind to a time and a place that is very different from his own.  A vivid glimpse into how things have been, and unfortunately still today in present day. Ms. Lee published in July of 1960,  and some fifty-seven years later, this classic still reminds us, it educates us and it challenges us to create a world where our emerging leaders - like my son Aidan do not see colour or race or status - they just see folks.

High School

The title does not need further explanation, my parenting adventures on the Autism Spectrum are now leading me to High School Information nights complete with glossy pocket folders filled with various pieces of paper designed to "sell" me their school.  This is not my first "rodeo" - a few years back I enrolled my half British/half Canadian kid into my former high school in Northern Ontario (and his peers thought he was an exchange student) - which added to his element of cool.  This experience is quite different.

I remember my days in the mid 1980's roaming the hollowed halls of my secondary institution, and it was filled with the "cool kids," "the jocks," "the geeks," and the "outcasts."   John Hughes' portrayed it well in the 1984 hit, "Sixteen Candles," and I think I was more Anthony Michael Hall than Molly Ringwald (I was the theatre geek).  So within this class system that has been around for generations, where will my Autistic kid fit in?

I don't think it really matters how many articles I read, books I pick up, professionals I consult - the "T" word (Transition) is a fearsome one for parents with any special needs child.  Relying on John Hughes movies isn't recommended either.   One piece of advice that I have taken to heart (and from an educational professional) is to listen to my kid.  What is his choice?  What is his opinion?  As parents we become managers and we need to release some of that control and give them the authority to control their lives.  We are heading to our second tour tonight - and I will try to remember to listen to the words of my son (not mine), and to ease my stress and fear,  perhaps a binge watching session of John Hughes movies might help.

Dear Teacher,

Some of the most practical and useful things for those who educate our Autistic children are often too simple for us to realize.  I was at a transition session held by an educational professional (focused on Middle and High School age) and she recommended a letter written by our children explaining their needs.  I consider myself "in the know" and fairly savvy when manoeuvring the system, however, this very basic concept never entered into my mind.

 

I spoke with another fellow mom and her daughter (at the encouragement of yet another professional) wrote a letter to her new High School teachers.  We both admitted this piece of basic information was something we never considered.

 

I framed the questions, but Aidan did this entirely on his own.  His words not mine.  Have a great year in Grade 8 my son! 

 

Some things about me:

I was born on March 20, 2003 in Windsor, Ontario, Canada. I have Autism and motor delays and at times, can stim  and have sensory problems. My favourite movies are the Toy Story series,and my favorite show is The Simpsons. I have an older brother named Sam who will soon turn 23 and lives in Ottawa, up in Canada. I also have a younger brother named Owen who is 11 and a half years old  and goes to school with me, of course.

Some of my strengths:

I remember a lot of things well, I am also very good at art and singing, and reading, and flexibility. And also yoga and deep relaxation. And I have good friends: Aidan Egbert, George, Gabe, Josh, Greysen, Casey, Erik, Will, etc.

Some things I need help with: Regulating, motor skills, getting materials organized, some exams in classes, controlling emotions, It’s better for me to type than write.

How I communicate:I’m autistic, but I’m verbal. And I’ll also need some extra time to answer a question.

Back Seat Driver

 

Manoeuvring the road-trip known as Autism is full of unknown twists and turns along the way, however, trusting the wisdom from the back seat drivers is highly recommended for this journey. 



 

Owen (back seat driver) and Aidan (along for the ride)

 

On one particular session while Owen was in the back (with another friend) and my buddy Aidan was co-pilot with me in the front, (I was in my usual chauffeur mode) a conversation sparked.  Owen was asking about kids both from his current school and his previous school in Canada, as to whether or not they had Autism.  Some of these kids I knew personally, others not, and while I attempted to answer the question (while protecting the privacy of families) I realized that kids just want to know. 

They sense the differences (some more apparent that others) and the better equipped our
neurotypicals are, the better they can manage and be supportive of others with disabilities.  Our topics ranged from Down Syndrome to Fragile X to Cerebral Palsy and beyond.  My back-seat navigators wanted to know causes and treatments and best way to handle and support their classmates. 

Hiding from the reality of a diagnosis does not help anyone.  And from the conversation I had with my 11 year old peanut gallery from the back seat, they want openness and they want information.
Knowledge is powerful and can create an open and understanding society for all of our populations dealing with varying issues, not just Autism.  So talk to your kids, your kids friends, your school, your family, your colleagues and give them the power of advocacy and acceptance.