Year of Aidan!

Learned to Ride a Bike!

(thank you I Can Shine)



 

Climbed the Front Range in Colorado

 

Front and Centre at a Professional Baseball Game!

 

More Mountain Adventures with Mom and Little Bro

Climbed the backyard tree!

 

 

Had Dinner at a French Restaurant



Just a Mom

Just a Mom

 



 





 

 

I tend to focus my writing on the triumphs and challenges concerning my Autistic son Aidan and rarely focus on what the realities are in my life as an "Autism Mom."  Does his Autism define me as a parent? As a woman? As a sister, daughter, wife, friend?  I think it would be bullshit not to say that decisions and actions in my everyday life are always made,  taking  into consideration first and foremost,  that I am "mom" to a child on the Autism Spectrum. 

 

We are "momangers" without the Kardashian paycheque or notoriety.  We advocate, we argue, we insist, we project manage, we counsel, we support, we cheerlead, we cut up meat, we wipe dirty faces, we tie shoes - yes, we do it all.  This is not to dismiss "Autism Dads" - more accurately I should relate this to "Autism Caregivers." The reality when you parent a child with special needs is that someone takes concessions and gives 150% to that child - the other partner needs to make some dough.  Money helps, and someone has to make it. 

 

Ironically up until Aidan's "pre-teen" age  I had a full career and always knew that as he got older, the more complex his needs and supervision would become.  Simple math concluded who in our household would "consult" from home and who would bring home the bacon. 

 

 I strive for balance, for "me" time and I know when I need a break and have learned to communicate that to my partner.  I am still an individual who likes to drink too much wine, go dancing with my crazy girls, buy designer handbags, have sex with my husband and Zen out on my yoga mat.  It is so difficult not to be defined as a person by what you do for your child. 

 

However, trying to be "you" is not as simple.  Aidan has told me many times, "Mom you are my best friend."  I take those words very seriously and understand the critical role I play in his daily life.  I get him up every morning and have to go through his routine with him - it does not come naturally to him (as it does with my other sons).  

 

I celebrate the person that my son is and the unique gifts he gives to us through his Autism, however, like fellow mom, Kristi Rieger-Campbell I mourn as well and wish for "normalcy." 

 

Ms. Rieger-Campbell very eloquently and provocatively relates her "Autism Mom" both with this presentation and her blog:  www.findingninee.com

 



 

http://www.findingninee.com/my-listen-to-your-mother-video-being-a-special-needs-mom/

 

Listen, Read, Relate and Understand

 

 



Cheese and Challenges

End of School Celebration

 

 

Aidan mastered a new country, a new school, and a new day to day life when we moved from our home in Northern Ontario to Colorado in January of this year.  One awesome thing that resulted from our life change (according to Aidan) was that school got out early (end of May vs. end of June) and we celebrated!

 

My reaction to his choice of the ever popular chain, "Chuck E Cheese's" was age appropriateness.  How many 12 year old boys bounce around this place and get excited to play the games?  Well mine does, and so we went.

 

The gap between Aidan and his peer group is most certainly gaining width and breadth, at an alarming rate.  I still hold his hand when we cross an intersection, he needs activities at restaurants to keep him occupied and still prefers the "kids menu," while Owen, his younger sibling,  at age 10 is devouring full size portions with vigour. 

 

He will enter grade 7 in the upcoming school year and we have been fortunate to enrol in an amazing school with supports and excellent staff that understand the nuances of Autism.   He is starting to form a thin line across the top of his lip, and when I glance at certain angles, he is starting to grow a full pre-teen moustache.  I think about the "rules of engagement" in his Middle School social network and know full well that they are completely lost on Aidan.  My hope is that his peers, his school and his community will understand and accept - that is really all any of us parenting on the Spectrum can wish for.

 

So I will continue with the visits to the place of cheese oozing pizza and bring home stacks of books from our library (that come from pre-school section, even though he can read) and continue to guide him the best that I can.  Cheese and Challenges.  



Twelve

As World Autism Awareness Day approaches, I think of my son who recently turned that precious "pre-teen" age of 12.  Aidan, back in 2013 was the "hero" of Autism in our Northern community of Sault Ste. Marie, and he got his 15 minutes of fame.  His picture hit the front page of the paper, all from a simple oral explaining what it is like to have Autism.  He also went to our City Council meeting, to celebrate the official declaration and recited that same speech to our mayor (at the time) and city council representatives.

Front Page News! (Sault Star, February 2013)

During his school presentation, my husband filmed it and I never tire of watching it, it still gives me chills and tears.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2JilgXvvx8

It just proves that you never know what our children on the spectrum can accomplish.
 

From that oral presentation to now, Aidan has faced a move from his home and school to a new city in a new country.  New school, new places, new everything, and still he amazes me on how he can adapt and adjust to differing surroundings.  There are hiccups along the way and life continues to have struggles for him, especially with puberty right at our doorstep.  But I hold onto hope.  I reflect on where he was and what he has done, and it truly takes my breath away.  The boy who entered kindergarten in "pull-up training diapers" and could barely hold a crayon, graduated that June in "big boy underwear" and is now a budding artist, regularly attending art classes and loves different mediums and materials in his artistic pursuits. 

So on April 2nd, pause for a moment, and think about how many of us struggle with Autism and let's all work together to create understanding, awareness and acceptance.

Dear Jenny

Celebrity and "Autism Expert" Jenny McCarthy

 

 

Dear Jenny,

 

As the mother of an Autistic son, a writer and advocate, I am writing this open letter to you to ask that you stop using your "celebrity" status to influence the Autism community.  As so eloquently spoken by a fellow Canadian, Rex Murphy, he cautions the general public to rely upon such critical medical advice as reported by yourself and your "fellow neurosurgeons on 'The View'."

 



http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2015/02/06/rex-murphy-anti-vaccine_n_6631184.html


I will not deny that living with Autism is difficult, and the answers and solutions for the "Why" and "What" are not clear, however that does not give anyone the right to speak on behalf of an entirety of parents and caregivers who live and care for someone on the Spectrum.  Your quote that, "any mother would take the flu or measles before Autism," is careless and influences the general public of which you  have no qualifications to do so.  You are not a medical professional, you are not a scientific researcher, and you most certainly are not an aspiring neuroscientist.  You are a mother, an actress and a show host - that does not give you any more right to sway opinion of the general populous as I do as a blogger and writer.

In my book, "The Purple Notebook," I am very clear that this is a story of a personal journey on the road trip of Autism.  I am also very clear that it is about some things that have worked for us on the way, and some things that have not worked.  It is not a personal soapbox to preach my Autism sermon, I have no right to do that. 



https://www.createspace.com/4718479


What is clear, Dear Jenny, is that we do have people who vaccinate their children and we have people who do not.  And we have no right to offer opinion or judge, I will leave that up to those who are qualified. 

The Autism community does not need more issues to divide itself.  It needs patience, it needs understanding and it needs support.  Most importantly those living with Autism need opportunities to speak for themselves, to be valued by our society,  not made into a media frenzied "side-show" circus act of "pro" and "anti" vaccinator's.   


Thank you Jenny for taking the time to read my letter, and I hope you and your fellow "celebrities" will respect the decisions made by parents and not use your status to influence on matters that are none of your business.

Sincerely,
Lisa Vezeau-Allen

The Piston Cup, Play and Pretend

Aidan having fun with his "Piston Cup" friends

This is the scene from our living room last night.  Aidan is almost twelve years old and he has conquered the art of pretend play! He was smashing and racing and imitating the sounds as portrayed by the characters in one of his favourite Pixar movies, "Cars."  It may not seem monumental, but to reach this milestone is a huge deal for a child on the Autism Spectrum.

According to www.whattoexpect.com, at the age of three years, toddlers pretend play should be, "firing on all cylinders."  Well, Aidan is in full throttle mode, just nine years later from "neuro-typically" developed children.   We forget as parents and caregivers to sometimes recognize these breakthroughs in their development.   We tend to focus on what they cannot do, rather than what they can do.

I hope Aidan continues to have many more races and crashes and pit-stops with his metal replicas and I plan to enjoy watching and listening and appreciating how far he has come.