Just a Mom
I tend to focus my writing on the triumphs and challenges concerning my Autistic son Aidan and rarely focus on what the realities are in my life as an "Autism Mom." Does his Autism define me as a parent? As a woman? As a sister, daughter, wife, friend? I think it would be bullshit not to say that decisions and actions in my everyday life are always made, taking into consideration first and foremost, that I am "mom" to a child on the Autism Spectrum.
We are "momangers" without the Kardashian paycheque or notoriety. We advocate, we argue, we insist, we project manage, we counsel, we support, we cheerlead, we cut up meat, we wipe dirty faces, we tie shoes - yes, we do it all. This is not to dismiss "Autism Dads" - more accurately I should relate this to "Autism Caregivers." The reality when you parent a child with special needs is that someone takes concessions and gives 150% to that child - the other partner needs to make some dough. Money helps, and someone has to make it.
Ironically up until Aidan's "pre-teen" age I had a full career and always knew that as he got older, the more complex his needs and supervision would become. Simple math concluded who in our household would "consult" from home and who would bring home the bacon.
I strive for balance, for "me" time and I know when I need a break and have learned to communicate that to my partner. I am still an individual who likes to drink too much wine, go dancing with my crazy girls, buy designer handbags, have sex with my husband and Zen out on my yoga mat. It is so difficult not to be defined as a person by what you do for your child.
However, trying to be "you" is not as simple. Aidan has told me many times, "Mom you are my best friend." I take those words very seriously and understand the critical role I play in his daily life. I get him up every morning and have to go through his routine with him - it does not come naturally to him (as it does with my other sons).
I celebrate the person that my son is and the unique gifts he gives to us through his Autism, however, like fellow mom, Kristi Rieger-Campbell I mourn as well and wish for "normalcy."
Ms. Rieger-Campbell very eloquently and provocatively relates her "Autism Mom" both with this presentation and her blog: www.findingninee.com
Listen, Read, Relate and Understand
