High School

The title does not need further explanation, my parenting adventures on the Autism Spectrum are now leading me to High School Information nights complete with glossy pocket folders filled with various pieces of paper designed to "sell" me their school.  This is not my first "rodeo" - a few years back I enrolled my half British/half Canadian kid into my former high school in Northern Ontario (and his peers thought he was an exchange student) - which added to his element of cool.  This experience is quite different.

I remember my days in the mid 1980's roaming the hollowed halls of my secondary institution, and it was filled with the "cool kids," "the jocks," "the geeks," and the "outcasts."   John Hughes' portrayed it well in the 1984 hit, "Sixteen Candles," and I think I was more Anthony Michael Hall than Molly Ringwald (I was the theatre geek).  So within this class system that has been around for generations, where will my Autistic kid fit in?

I don't think it really matters how many articles I read, books I pick up, professionals I consult - the "T" word (Transition) is a fearsome one for parents with any special needs child.  Relying on John Hughes movies isn't recommended either.   One piece of advice that I have taken to heart (and from an educational professional) is to listen to my kid.  What is his choice?  What is his opinion?  As parents we become managers and we need to release some of that control and give them the authority to control their lives.  We are heading to our second tour tonight - and I will try to remember to listen to the words of my son (not mine), and to ease my stress and fear,  perhaps a binge watching session of John Hughes movies might help.

Dear Teacher,

Some of the most practical and useful things for those who educate our Autistic children are often too simple for us to realize.  I was at a transition session held by an educational professional (focused on Middle and High School age) and she recommended a letter written by our children explaining their needs.  I consider myself "in the know" and fairly savvy when manoeuvring the system, however, this very basic concept never entered into my mind.

 

I spoke with another fellow mom and her daughter (at the encouragement of yet another professional) wrote a letter to her new High School teachers.  We both admitted this piece of basic information was something we never considered.

 

I framed the questions, but Aidan did this entirely on his own.  His words not mine.  Have a great year in Grade 8 my son! 

 

Some things about me:

I was born on March 20, 2003 in Windsor, Ontario, Canada. I have Autism and motor delays and at times, can stim  and have sensory problems. My favourite movies are the Toy Story series,and my favorite show is The Simpsons. I have an older brother named Sam who will soon turn 23 and lives in Ottawa, up in Canada. I also have a younger brother named Owen who is 11 and a half years old  and goes to school with me, of course.

Some of my strengths:

I remember a lot of things well, I am also very good at art and singing, and reading, and flexibility. And also yoga and deep relaxation. And I have good friends: Aidan Egbert, George, Gabe, Josh, Greysen, Casey, Erik, Will, etc.

Some things I need help with: Regulating, motor skills, getting materials organized, some exams in classes, controlling emotions, It’s better for me to type than write.

How I communicate:I’m autistic, but I’m verbal. And I’ll also need some extra time to answer a question.

Back Seat Driver

 

Manoeuvring the road-trip known as Autism is full of unknown twists and turns along the way, however, trusting the wisdom from the back seat drivers is highly recommended for this journey. 



 

Owen (back seat driver) and Aidan (along for the ride)

 

On one particular session while Owen was in the back (with another friend) and my buddy Aidan was co-pilot with me in the front, (I was in my usual chauffeur mode) a conversation sparked.  Owen was asking about kids both from his current school and his previous school in Canada, as to whether or not they had Autism.  Some of these kids I knew personally, others not, and while I attempted to answer the question (while protecting the privacy of families) I realized that kids just want to know. 

They sense the differences (some more apparent that others) and the better equipped our
neurotypicals are, the better they can manage and be supportive of others with disabilities.  Our topics ranged from Down Syndrome to Fragile X to Cerebral Palsy and beyond.  My back-seat navigators wanted to know causes and treatments and best way to handle and support their classmates. 

Hiding from the reality of a diagnosis does not help anyone.  And from the conversation I had with my 11 year old peanut gallery from the back seat, they want openness and they want information.
Knowledge is powerful and can create an open and understanding society for all of our populations dealing with varying issues, not just Autism.  So talk to your kids, your kids friends, your school, your family, your colleagues and give them the power of advocacy and acceptance.

What Disney Taught Me

Our recent family trip to Disneyland in California taught me that while discrimination does exist for our populations on the Autism Spectrum - the true magic of Disney shone through.  My past Disney experiences were many years ago with Aidan's oldest brother (now 22) and those visits back in the early 1990's in Florida were very different compared to planning a trip for a 13 year old on the Spectrum to the famous theme park.

 

What did Disney teach me?

 

1.  That they care that "our kids" have a positive and supported experience (thank you Disability Access Pass).

 

2.  That a very patient "Pluto" was willing to wait for a nervous teen (with faint moustache) to pose for a photo opportunity.

3.  That people did not stare or comment while a thrilled Aidan talked to and cuddled his newest "friend" our buddy "Doug" from "Up."

And most importantly, that as parents, we watched Aidan's younger brother encourage him to hit those rides like Hyper Space Mountain! (I watched by the sidelines).  Owen also was not really into the Disney Characters, but patiently watched the Pixar Parade and got excited and cheered with his brother.  He also took his "own" money, that was an accumulation of gifts from family and bought his brother some souvenir cars from "Cars Land."

Other passengers on rides gave "knuckles" for a successful ride on a roller coaster and commented quietly on how cute "Doug" was sticking out with his cone of shame.  I was expecting some comments as we were escorted directly on rides (while others endured the lines) and nothing - no sneers, no stares - it was accepted without any conflict. 

Aidan never stopped smiling the entire three day visit and I truly thank the magic of Disney.  Their policies and procedures make it possible for our Spectrum kids and all those with disabilities have a positive experience, well done! I only hope that other attractions follow the lead that Disney has started. 

The "Drop Off"

 

I have watched Pixar's "Finding Nemo" 124,856 times (no joke).  It was infant Aidan's favourite movie that still continues at almost 13 years of age.  It is a road trip classic.  For those of you who may not be familiar with the storyline, young Nemo is raised by his father, Marlin (mom and siblings were a tasty treat for a predator).  Marlin, like most sole parents, was very protective and more so due to Nemo's "small fin" that I suppose would identify him as having a disability in the Clown Fish pool.



Just like our children on the Autism Spectrum.

 

Nemo at the "drop off"





This blog is not about Pixar movies or determined fish, it is about the same fierce force of independence that drove Nemo from the safety of his fishy friends and swam on his own.  That happened in my world this Monday February 22nd to be exact.  Aidan at almost 13 is discovering his own version of swimming solo and it involves the "Drop Off" at Middle School.  Manoeuvring a locker, multiple binders, books and the rest is a struggle for most pre-teens, add Autism to the mix and it creates a need for planning and supports for success. 

 

I have been the executive functioning coach every morning.  We get to his locker, get sorted, check his list (visual cues, so critical), drop his first class materials and then my work is done (until end of the day).  He has peers and educational support workers that help during the day.  Well, as of Monday (after a few weeks of shadowing and not prompting) I did not enter the school - I didn't have to worry about looking somewhat presentable - I just "dropped off" curb side.  Aidan is proud of his new found independence, (and at end of day, I just wait at entrance doors).   His "I can do attitude" is moving into other areas as well.  He grabbed the hair dryer the other night and dried his own hair, and that is continuing. 

 

The ability of our kids to gain even small steps of independence is such a celebration.  It brings back memories of all my children as toddlers taking their first steps.  Autism involves many first steps and sometimes it takes many attempts, but trust your instincts and theirs and they will let you know when they are ready.  And I am one happy mom at the "Drop Off" line!

"I don't have a best friend, but I care about everyone"

As a mother of an almost 13 year old boy on the Spectrum, friendships and the rules of engagement are a constant worry and concern.  To deal with stress I employ copious amounts of yoga and red wine (not in any particular order), and I write.  I strive to give Aidan social opportunities within his own age appropriate peer group, thinking that is what I should be doing. 

I went back to his oral presentation in 2013 and he discusses his friends and friendships,  and the statement that was my "wow" moment is that he "cares about everyone." Aidan does not discriminate or judge his friendships.  Do they enjoy Winnie the Pooh, Pixar Movie trivia and Snoopy? That is all he needs.  Race, religion, age, sex - he does not "see" it and really doesn't care.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2JilgXvvx8

 

 

He attends regular "public" school, is in grade 7 and has a group of guys that are his protectors and friends.  They sit at lunch together, they watch out for him and they have his "back." Does he initiate social interactions outside of school? Nope.  He tends to gravitate toward situations that I place him in - if I am helping a friend with their wee one, he comes along.

 

Most 13 year olds would not want to hang with a 6 year old, or 9 or 10 year old.  They would not be within their socially acceptable network.  Aidan loves his little friends and has an opportunity to be the "helper" rather than the one that is usually needing assistance.  He shows patience and caring and can carry on a conversation about Peppa Pig or Sesame Street without pausing to consider if it is "cool" to do that.

He truly does care about everyone.  My hope is that everyone will see his gift of love, acceptance and no judgement and care about him.